- Style consultant - instant fail the moment a potential client set eyes on my child with his pants on backwards and his shoes on the wrong feet. It's not that I don't know the difference, I just clearly lack the credibility needed to convince my son that he is not Kriss and/or Kross.
- Playmate - not the sexy kind (which I do qualify for), but the fun kind. I was informed the other day that I was playing with the fire station incorrectly. I wasn't using the fire trucks enough. Apparently Finn is not aware how much play gasoline a play firetruck goes through.
- Architect/construction guy - "Daddy, why is the fire extinguisher on my fire station upside down?" It turns out that it's because my assembly skills decrease dramatically after 11 pm and nearly as many beers on Christmas Eve.
- Chauffeur - I'm also too "boring" to drive him to school in the morning. And that's before the conference calls even start.
Jobs that I am not good at, but would like to have:
Child hairdresser - $20 for 10 minutes of work. Plus tip. Plus a bucket of lollipops within reach at all times. Minus a urine-soaked barber chair. Still ends up ahead.
Jobs that I am apparently OK at:
Convincing my son that '80's pop-metal is not only a legitimate genre, but that its heyday does in fact represent a singular moment in American and rock history - he loves the Hair Nation.
And that makes it all worthwhile.