Sunday, August 31, 2014

Deadhead Sticker on a Cadillac

As the summer winds down, with Don Henley playing softly in the background, and as we sit here labeling the ridiculous amount of school supplies that we need to purchase for our public school because apparently writing checks is not something that you get away from when you quit private school, it is time to reflect.  Also because I'm drinking.  And that's what you do when you've been drinking.  All summer.

Things that I won't miss:

  • Edie's ridiculous teething.  Apparently, Edie's teeth hate her with a white hot passion that defies reason itself.  I don't recall Finn's teething being this painful, but then again, I recall very little about Finn's childhood.  Biology is awesome.
  • Traveling on a plane with an 18-month old.  Having to decide between the poor guy in front of Edie whose seat she couldn't stop kicking and the entire plane, who would've borne the brunt of her screaming should I grab her feet, was a prisoner's dilemma I did not relish.  And for the record, sorry to the dude in front of Edie.  Although I refused to make eye contact with you for the entirety of our flight from Newark to Seattle, I was mentally buying you a drink.  In my head.
  • Drinking.  In particular, the (apparently) annual "drinking of the moonshine" back in NY.  Boy, do I need a break.

Things that I will miss:
  • Seeing the family and having an amazing time watching everyone connect as the kids get older.  Edie's inability to sleep on vacations is offset by her inability to not charm everyone that she meets.  And my son's bravery continues to astound me - how many 6 year olds do you know that have ridden in a helicopter and a biplane (pictured above)?
  • Summertime "lessons" from Finn, including the one I received today titled "7 things you need to know about garbage" which will form the basis for my next post.  It's life changing, yo.
  • Sunshine.  This is Seattle, after all.

So even though we've got a few more weeks before the rains begin, summer is over and it's time to get back to reality.   And that reality will start with Finn's first day of his new school on Wednesday and the beginning of the Seahawks next Super Bowl winning season on Thursday.

Summer was weird this year, being both awesome and hard, and I'd sum it up the same way my dad and I summed up the trip back East:  "It was great, I'm glad it's over, and I can't wait to do it again."

Happy Labor Day, everyone!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Mama Dada

The absolute BEST feeling in the world, hands down?  Your daughter's earnest begging for "DADA, DADA!" at any point in the day.

Hands.  Down.  The best.

The best reminder that as good as that feels, you ain't @#$%?  Your daughter screaming "MAMA, MAMA!!!!!" the minute you pick her up.

Parenthood is for suckers.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Good Lookin'

Loaded hypothetical:

What's better - being smart or being good looking?

Does your answer change if you're talking about a man or a woman?

Does your answer change if you're talking about your spouse vs. your child?

Of course not.  That's a stupid hypothetical.  Everyone knows the answer.  It's WAY better to be good looking.  Being smart is lame.


Unfortunately for Edie's sake, it would appear that she's been stricken with both maladies - extraordinary intelligence and should-be-illegal-and-sure-to-complicate-my-life-in-about-12-years good looks.


I mean, seriously, look at that picture!   How can anyone in their right minds resist that face?

The answer I'm looking for?  They CAN'T.  In particular, I'm looking for that answer from those on this weekend's nonstop flight to Newark - where Edie is certain to augment that award winning smile with her equally impressive banshee screech as I try to remove whatever inappropriate and/or dangerous and/or bloody mary-ish thing she's latched onto as her mother and I sweat and fret and try to appear calm about the fact that we're locked into this flying tube with a pin-up version of Li'l Satan for 6 hours.

I wonder if I can duct tape her entire body and face to the seat, provided I give her an air hole?  Is that FAA approved?

No, that'll never work.  It would block her smile... and that's really the only currency I expect to have on this flight.

That goodness for the boy - and his best friend I. Pad.   They play so well together, you hardly even know they're there.

Now where's that bloody mary?