Take me, for example. The obvious choice would be Woody, but he and I are nothing alike. He's far smarter than me and has musical chops that I could only dream of. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly anyone? The fact that Sam played for the Red Sox and actually has some skill with the ladies immediately rules him out, leaving the only other character that fits: Norm. Norm actually fits a bit too well to dwell on at the moment, as I begin my fourteenth beer of the day.
Kitty's dark hair and dirty sailor mouth would make her a lock for Carla, however her affinity and devotion to the dramatic arts might actually make her more of a Diane.
Edie would either be Coach, since absolutely nothing she says makes any sense at all, or Paul - secondary character that's round in the middle and has no hair.
Finn - well, Finn's character is easy. Finn is Cliff Claven reincarnated. All he's missing is the little postman uniform and that's on order. You know that if he starts a sentence with "Did you know..." that you're about to get seriously schooled. And he starts every sentence with "Did you know..."
In roughly a 24-hr period this past week, I learned the following:
- "Burping" means you have to urinate.
- Turquoise is not a color it's a "magnet mix". I'm still unclear on what a magnet mix is, but apparently it transcends color.
- There is a type of mountain lion called a "namba cat" that is scared of really tall things. So if you see a namba cat, put your arms up in the air.
This is just a small sampling, and not even his best work. My mind is typically so blown after one of these lessons that I forget to write down the details. My apologies.
Grandpa Finn has a hierarchy for the different levels of BS that one can spout. It's three levels deep and the third level is reserved for people that are so invested in their own BS, that they're completely convinced that it's true.
Finn has been living in the third level since he was three. Too bad there's not a spot for that on his report card.
Or maybe there is? I'll have to ask Cliff Claven. I'm sure he'll know.