Tuesday, December 13, 2011


Finn deals in one currency these days:  treats.  His understanding of money is based on an exchange of silver for candy or popcorn.  His first thought upon waking is, "How am I going to get candy today?"  The first question that he asks when he sits down for dinner is, "What are we having for dessert?"

If he doesn't like my answers to these questions, he asks his Mom.  Or he asks me again.  Forty-seven times.

Part of this is our fault.  We spent about a month drip-feeding his Halloween candy to him, like a playground drug dealer, really establishing his sugar habit.  Upon realizing what we were doing, we had to call in the Potty Fairy's more attractive sibling, the "Candy Fairy", to come and remove the remaining pieces.

At least the Potty Fairy left a lame present.  The Candy Fairy didn't leave anything except for sugar withdrawal.  Finn is not a big fan of the buzzkill Candy Fairy.  (The Candy Fairy, on the other hand, can't wait for next Halloween.)

On the upside, his grandparents were here this past week, and since his grandfather has an appetite for treats that rivals his own, he was flush with cake & cookies.  But now that he's stuck with us again, it's back to reality - and that means back to jonesing for a fix of the good stuff.

This year, I would have assumed that I could really leverage Santa threats to help control things like candy-begging, but it's not working.  We even have an Elf on the Shelf - that Finn very creatively named "I Don't Know," as in, "What should we name this elf?"  "I don't know." - who's supposed to be reporting back to Santa daily.  Unfortunately, Finn pays about as much attention to the elf as he does to my requests that he not run his hands around the inside of the toilet bowl right after using the bathroom.

That is, not at all.

We need to get this Santa thing worked out ASAP.  Bribery and fear are the only tools I have in my parenting toolbelt to combat this sort of behavior and I'm afraid that right now, my toolbelt is empty.

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