From the moment Finn's junk emerged from the grainy depths of the ultrasound machine, I knew that it was only a matter of time before he and I came to blows. I mean, it's a story as old as time itself - the son grows up and eventually seeks to assert himself against his terribly handsome, witty and charming father. Who has great hair. And used to drive a really cool van.
So I've been waiting. Waiting for that moment when Finn would square off against me... ensuring that only one of us would walk away from the encounter on our feet. By which, of course, I mean me. While he lay rolling around on the ground on accounta the fact that I kicked him square in the testicles. With age, comes wisdom. Punk.
But as it turns out, that wasn't to be the first familial throw down. No, we male Parkers are a loveable bunch. We give hugs, we don't fight. Not like the female Parkers. They're the physical ones. At least one of them is. It turns out that the smallest female Parker REALLY, REALLY hates it when you try to take the iPhone out of her hand. You know when you hate something so much, that you would practically throw it in your mother's face?
Yeah. That happened. She was so mad at me for trying to take back the iPhone, that she threw it directly into her mother's face. This is what it looked like immediately after. I'd show you what it looks like now, but I prefer the actual visible blood in this shot:
Isn't that awesome? Of course, we all feel bad for Kitty, but that is some amazing damage done by a seventeen month old. I can't wait to see what she does when she turns thirteen. Poor Kitty.
If only she had testicles to kick...