Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Cousin Oliver

OK, I need you guys to level with me.  This blog has gotten stale, hasn't it?  I've seen the ratings.  They're terrible.  We used to be HUGE in St Helena, but lately, not even a single spambot from the central Atlantic.

I can't say that I'm surprised.  Post volume has tapered off dramatically as more and more of Finn's bodily fluids make it into the toilet and less of them end up on the floor and/or in my mouth.  We all seem to have gotten our sea legs under us after about four years, and as decades of sitcom history will show you, competency is boring.

With this in mind, I've begun considering the end of the blog.  This has been a great way to share the ups and downs of learning our way around parenting with friends and family, but it's become harder and harder to find interesting things to share.  I certainly don't want to force things, since this is supposed to be fun for you and for me.

Yep, it's time to find a way to gracefully exit stage left, like Ichiro leaving Seattle.

But it seems like the network suits don't agree with that plan.  I got the call from them a few weeks back that we needed to find a way to rejuvenate the blog, to generate new content.  I told them that we were empty, that it was boring around here, but they didn't want to hear it.  They wanted me to try something - something that's never worked in the history of television, which means it can't possibly work in real-life either (those are the rules).

But after reviewing my contract, I realized that I didn't really have much say in the matter.  I don't get to make the rules when it comes to this stuff, so here goes.  In an effort to make the blog interesting again, to win back viewers and recapture the poop-puke demographic, we're making a casting change.

We're adding a new player.  Allow me to introduce, "The Rookie":

I know what you're thinking:  "We're going to need to rename the blog."  That's the very first thing I thought of when Kitty told me she was pregnant.  Great minds, right?   Upon further reflection, I think we've got a little bit of time for that.  For the next six months or so, this blog will remain dedicated to its namesake, the Ninja.

Who - incidentally - is very excited about his new brother/sister.  For now.  I'm not sure how he'll feel about him/her - or me and his mom for that matter - once the Rookie arrives.  Of course, should it go badly, I'll just think back to my departure from the house this morning, when a little tiny set of barely-visible eyes peeking out of our upstairs bathroom window screamed as loud as it could, "I LOVE YOU", as I was driving away to work.

I love you too, buddy, and that's not going to change, even when Cousin Oliver/The Great Gazoo/The Rookie shows up to start Season 6.


Sharon Muza, New Moon Birth said...

Well, thank you for keeping things going! as i was reading your potential farewll, I was thinking, yes, you just need V2.0, but alas, you thought of that yourself! Congrats to the whole fam! Yeah Team Parker!

Life of Dad said...

Dude...congrats! Keep up the writing!!!!