It's hard to find good help these days

With daycare closed this week, I've been working from home. This morning I got a little help.


Of course, as soon as this picture was taken, the little slacker disappeared and I haven't seen him since.

Probably out back on another "juice break". This is not going to look good on his annual review. I'm going to have to put him on a Performance Improvement Plan.

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Today's post brought to you by the Apple MacBook and MacBook Pro. If you're worried that you haven't spent enough money on your laptop, it's time for an Apple!

Subliminal high-chairs

After reviewing the finances last night, I've decided that the only way that we're going to be able to afford to send Finn to Ninja College is to start selling ads on the blog. We're going to start all subtle-like, though, with product placement deals.

Behold, the Svan High-Chair! It's really expensive¹, but see how well it keeps the cats out of harm's way?

Tango has apparently not yet gotten the memo that he has been designated Finn's new BFF. He should just be happy that he didn't draw Paris Hilton. She doesn't have the best track record with pets.

Speaking of Paris, the trash was picked up today for the first time in three weeks. I pity those garbage men. Three weeks of diapers and cat litter can not make for a good Monday.

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¹ Don't worry, dad, it was a gift.

Happy 9 Month Birthday Finnja!

Congrats to the Finnja on making it 9 months on the "outside", almost as long as his lazy butt was on the "inside". For you observant folks I'm sure you couldn't help but notice that he is standing on a tower of 9 cups. The kid is SMART!

Daddy almost broke his two fingers trying to keep the tower in place for the picture. Daddy is WEAK!

Okay I can't stop at one picture. The only time he appears to bear any resemblance to his Mommy is when he has "crazy eyes". Coincidence?

Merry Christmas!

I apologize for the lack of posts lately, but Seattle has been effectively shut down by snow since last Wednesday. The crappy roads have kept-away the magic unicorns that come by to pick up my typewritten blog posts for distribution on the intertubes. I need to get those unicorns some better tires.

So without further ado, allow me to recap all of the excitement that's gone down in Ninjatown over the past week:

1. It snowed again (and Finn appeared to enjoy it this time):


Seattle public schools shut down under "threat" of snow last Wednesday, but it didn't start until Thursday with the real storm showing up on Saturday, canceling schools, flights & daycare and piling about a foot at our house. The exceptional part is that it's all still here a week later.

This is the road next to our house, taken about 4 hours ago, which is nine days after the start of Snowpocalypse. Since it's been raining, asphalt finally appeared on this road this morning. There are still people outside driving with chains on their cars. They're idiots, but they're still out there.


Seattle apparently decided to adopt a "Snowpack by Design" explanation as to why the roads remain unplowed and unsalted days/weeks later. This is the political equivalent of "I meant to do that" from elementary school. It's not much of a comfort to those of us that are stuck at home - indoors - for days at a time, living in piles of uncollected garbage and actually having to take care of our children. This is why God invented booze.

2. Finn stood unassisted for a five-count:

The Ninja has definitely turned his attention away from assisted walking. He has no interest in holding our hands as we walk him around; all he wants to do is cruise around the furniture on his own. In the process of cruising the other day, he let go of the thing he was holding onto and stood totally still for a (admittedly very quick) five-count. Since this was in the middle of Snowmaggedon, Kitty and I were both lucky enough to be around to see it.

To celebrate, we promptly drank another bottle of wine.

3. Oh yeah, it was Christmas:

With all of the excitement about the snow and the standing, it would be easy to lose sight of the real meaning of the season. That's right. Gift wrap!

Finn is obviously too small to appreciate all of the crappy gifts that we have planned for him, but we figured that he could at least enjoy opening some presents. We even wrapped up some wine, although given the events noted above, not as much made it to Christmas Day as originally intended.

It turns out his interest in wrapping paper begins and ends with how it tastes. Even when prompted with a starter tear, he lost interest quickly and went back to enjoying the spirit of the holiday with his mouth.

No matter, we still had a lovely day. This was our first Christmas ever on the west coast, which would have been lonely had it not been for the presence of Aunt Nicole and Uncle Keith, as well as the surprise continued presence of Aunt Holly and Uncle Rob. Apparently the snow-pack design doesn't work all that well at the airport.

Even though we didn't get to spend the holidays with many of you out there in Ninjaland, you were still in our thoughts and we hope everyone is having a safe and happy holiday season.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's some more wine under the tree that needs attention.

Separated at birth?

I present the cheetah lady of the north side of Chicago and the cheetah baby of the west side of Seattle. You can't even tell them apart, can you?

If you've got the time, I strongly recommend watching the cheetah lady's video. I think you will all relate. Who doesn't want to get out of the jungle, live in a condo and eat tacos? Word up, cheetah lady!

Bathtub Finn

Thoughts on Bath Time
by Finn David Parker

1. I'm too hyper for a real big boy bath so I'm still in the kitchen sink.
2. I don't even care that I'm wet and in a freezing house (it was snowing outside and our house is not insulated for cold weather being built in 1909 and in Seattle where it rarely gets cold or hot)!
3. My Mom just poured a cup full of water over my head, spilling it and soap in my eyes and I don't give a lick.
4. My eye lashes are to die for!
5. I just splashed all the water out of my bath and onto the floor and now I'm wondering...hmm what's next for Professor Chaos?
6. I'm NAKED!

Catchin' up with the cats

Do you remember what it was like before you knew how to drink from a cup? I've spent late nights with enough of you to know that this is a skill that is still lacking in many adults. Myself included. But for the most part, during the day, I'm sure you have a handle on it.

Finn is now figuring it out too, albeit with a sippy cup. I was actually stunned that this wasn't knowledge that came built into the baby operating system. I knew that I would have to teach him how pee in the toilet, how to tie his shoes, how to find Shakedown Street in a Phish/Neil Diamond parking lot, and how to look busy at work without really doing anything, but I didn't think I'd have to teach him such basic stuff as eating & drinking. This kid was not prepared for anything. He's lucky that we're (relatively) proficient at these things!

He's still not great at drinking, since it requires that he suck. And if there's one thing our kid is terrible at, it's sucking¹. He is managing to get some liquid down and this, coupled with his newfound ability to hold his own bottle, is finally allowing him to close the gap in the great Brain-off!^TM that he's got going against the cats.

Let's review the scores:

• Pooping in a predefined area that is not one's pants: Cats 1; Finn 0
• Sleeping through the night without waking up the parents (no points awarded if regularly spend the night locked in the basement): Cats 1; Finn 1
• Destroying furniture, either by shredding, dismantling or vomiting: Cats 2; Finn 2
• Bathing self without drowning: Cats 3; Finn 2

OK, so he's still got a little bit to go, but he's catching up! He's actually starting to pick up the call-and-response skills necessary to attend a college football game or perform in a hip-hop music video, but he's so far thwarted our attempts to capture it on video so that will have to wait for a later post.

Here's a video showing another skill that he's picked up from the cats: pulling crap off the Christmas tree. That ornament was securely welded onto that branch but it may as well have been attached with cotton candy.

And while we're showing videos, please take a moment to review this masterpiece of a trailer that was written, directed and produced by some Friends of the Ninja, including father-to-be Grant Calof. Those with delicate sensibilities, like the Grandmas, may want to skip this since it has adult language and themes. OK maybe not the Grandmas, since they have dirty sailor mouths, but the rest of you delicate flowers have been warned.

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¹ WHAMMY!