Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Occupy Thanksgiving

I know I'm late to the thanks-giving party, but I've got a good excuse.  We were holed up in the wilderness last weekend, far away from the laptop, deep-frying turkey and trying once again to get Finn to stand up on his own on skis.  We conquered the former (as we do every year), yet didn't quite succeed on the latter.  I don't blame Finn.  We've still got him on those lame strap-on skis with no ankle support AND the weather decided to welcome us up for our first runs of the year by pepper-spraying us with ice and 40 mph wind gusts.

After that, I'll be giving some serious thanks if he ever wants to accompany us back to the mountain again.

So in the spirit of giving thanks, allow me to offer the following (belated) items for which I am truly thankful:

  • To my wife:  I am thankful for everything that you do, even when everything that you do has a habit of costing exactly $2,000.  You make it all worth it, though, by letting me sleep in on the weekends, even when Finn has no interest in doing so himself.  It does not go unnoticed.  I always say a big hearty thank you directly into my pillow before falling back to sleep - you just can't hear it.
  • To my son:  You have the uncanny ability to turn any situation into a happy one by giving me a big hug exactly when I need it.  I know you're getting older and that this type of thing isn't going to last, but they're extremely helpful - particularly in reminding me that a <insert irrationally emotionally loaded sports team here>  loss isn't the end of the world.  
Finn's hugs also help me overlook the fact that he's got designs on my woman (Finn, word to the wise.  When someone asks you who your girlfriend is/who you're going to marry, "Mommy" is not the proper answer if you want to keep living under my roof.) and the fact that the speed with which he moves through life appears to be in direct inverse proportion to the urgency with which I need to get somewhere - i.e., the Ninja Principle.

I'm also extremely thankful for the $.62 that I've made in ad revenue from this blog in the last year.  Only 3,225 more years like that and I'll finally be able to buy my wife something nice.

Hang on, Kitty, almost there!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Rent with Your Legs, Not Your Back

In honor of National Movie Rental Safety Week, here's a firefighter displaying the proper posture to be used when renting a movie from a vending machine.

And if you're thinking that he dressed up for a special occasion, you're right.

We call that occasion: "leaving the house."

Halloween is every day when you're a three-year-old Ninja.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Potty Fairy

Finn loves his little potty.  And why wouldn't he?  It sits right next to the big potty where Mommy & Daddy spend 75% of their time and it's got a selection of Finn-specific reading material.

Mommy & Daddy don't love his potty.  We used to love it, when it was key to his potty training, however since he's used to learn the big potties when he's anywhere other than the upstairs bathroom, it really holds no value for us.  Cleaning out a poop-filled plastic bucket when you know your son can use the regular toilet just isn't that enticing.

I'm sure that's just us.

We've put up with it, because he loves it, as proven by all of the fire truck stickers all over it.   That's not enough any more.  Particularly after what happened today.

Kitty was at an all-day event, so it was just Finn and me.  We ate some breakfast and came upstairs to get ready for a day of digging in the dirt, jumping in leaves and watching college football.  I left Finn in the bathroom to go potty while I went to darn my socks/check my email/catch a catnap and returned to the bathroom just in time to see Finn sticking one of the aforementioned books underneath the seat on the big toilet next to him and then.... sticking the book in his mouth.

Once I finished dry heaving, I grabbed the book and burned it.  Then we had the talk about the Potty Fairy.

It turns out that the Potty Fairy comes and takes your little potty once you're big enough to use the regular toilet.  He then brings it to little girs & boys that are just learning how to use the bathroom, since they need it more than he does.

And given the current situation, the Potty Fairy comes tonight.

Given that all Fairies need to leave some sort of present when they take something - per Fairy Rule 1342 - the Potty Fairy will leave some suspiciously familiar looking Halloween candy and the special headphones that may or may not have been a Christmas present, but that really weren't that exciting of a Christmas present anyway.

I hope the Potty Fairy doesn't read him this blog post while she's here.  That will really make us look bad.

Sorry Future Finny.  Not for taking away your potty, but for letting everyone know what you did with that book.  That was pretty gross.

Even grosser?  I still kissed you goodnight.  Right on the lips.

Don't tell Mommy.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Trick or Pee

Dear Halloween,

I just wanted to send you a quick note thanking you for being awesome once again.  Watching my three-year-old criss-crossing the neighborhood at top speed in his adorable Green Lantern costume reminded me of why you used to be my favorite holiday.  The ice cold beer in my hand showed me that you still can be.

I just have one request:  please install more Porta-Potties on the trick-or-treat circuit.  You can totally make them haunted if you want.

Other than that, keep up the good work.  Nice job with the Halloween-lame-apple-treat reduction project which you've clearly undertaken since I was a child.  Much appreciated.

Old Man with the Full Bladder