Sunday, October 20, 2013


Rules for feeding Edie, or any self-led-weaning child, for that matter:

  • Put down some plastic. If that sounds like too much work already you can probably skip all remaining steps just by getting a dog.
  • If you're too dumb to acquire a dog, start by purchasing saliva & food resistant clothing & strip her down before inserting her into this, as well as several layers of bib and preferably gloves.  And a neck guard.
  • Be prepared to feed her everything that you eat. Otherwise, be prepared to watch her scream - loudly and unintelligibly (psst, she's a baby) - until you figure out exactly which piece of food that you're eating she wants. Then give her that piece of food, you idiot.  Unless it's salty.  Then talk about how you shouldn't be giving her that piece of food before coming to your senses and giving it to her anyway just to stop the screaming.
  • Assuming you survive dinner, note that there are three steps to cleaning up:
    • Step one, sigh pointedly in the direction of the person who read that great book about how awesome baby-led weaning is and who chose this smelly, smelly path for your family
    • Step two, put aside all self respect and begin picking up the largest half-chewed pieces of stewed zucchini, avocado and salmon from the floor, the furniture and your clothes/hair.
    • Step three, alternate crying, throwing up and washing the dishes.
  • Last tip, and definitely the most important:  do not loudly announce, "I'll wash my hands right after I get done undressing your sister" in mixed company. 
  • Otherwise, be prepared to register yourself in all future communities to which you may move.

But doesn't she look sweet?

Don't look under those neck folds.  It's wild down there.

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